


A Little More Brave

by violetholdsme



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Changgu is Whipped, Changgu likes drawing idk, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Kissing in the Rain, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24571957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetholdsme/pseuds/violetholdsme
Summary: Yanan makes Changgu fearless.
Relationships: Yan An/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	A Little More Brave

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based on [Fearless by Taylor Swift](https://open.spotify.com/track/2okho7vU7Nsq1UZD0kgIMi?si=fybycGnGRxi0YZZwT4fvTA). i am in my yyeelings (yeoyan feelings)

Streetlight after streetlight passed, Yanan’s hands placed firmly on Changgu’s thigh, and the other on the steering wheel in front of him. Changgu observed from the corner of his eye, taking in the sight of his best friend’s face as every fraction of light coated him in new patterns and angles, shifting and repeating each time they passed one of the many lampposts that littered the freeway. Changgu almost memorized the outlines—the recurring cast of light and shadow on Yanan’s cheeks, his jaw, his hands and arms and chest, and he wondered if he could remember every frame and immortalize it for later. He knew his hands could barely ever justify the beauty of the man beside him, sketches or paintings couldn’t capture the exact way the light hit Yanan’s face to make it look chiseled and sharp in one second, and soft and puffy in the next. Yanan was beautiful, and Changgu didn’t mind that the ride had been silent, because it meant he got to indulge in it.

The grip on Changgu’s thigh tightened as they hit a particularly inconspicuous bump in the road, Yanan casting a split-second glance at the older man before keeping his eyes back on the road, driving slow and steady. The younger had a slight pout on his lips, voice a flat tone when he spoke up. 

“You okay?”

Changgu let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. “Yeah.”

“I’m still mad at you, you know.”

Changgu’s eyes widened a bit before his face shifted into a teasing smirk. “Oh, really?”

Yanan lightly squeezed Changgu’s thigh before retorting, voice filled with no venom at all. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Yanan, it’s just mint chocolate ice cream,” he breathed, taking hold of Yanan’s hand on his thigh with both of his own, laughter starting to bubble up in his stomach. “It’s not a big deal.”

The two burst into a silent fit of laughter then, more smiles and shaky breaths than actual noise. Yanan’s hand was in Changgu’s now, the older starting to play with the tips of Yanan’s slender fingers, smiling as his eyes followed the motions. 

Yanan sighed, keeping his eyes on the road. “You’re impossible.” Changgu observed as his breaths shifted his chest into new caricatures of light and shadow, and kept every frame tucked away in his mind, in some corner he would inevitably return to later.

The drive was filled with conversation from there, flowing naturally between them like it coursed through their connected hands, and Changgu doesn’t remember that anything else ever existed outside of the car and the open road and Yanan. He revels in the feeling of having Yanan beside him, inches of space between them, and yet somehow it felt like the closest they’d ever been. When the rain started pouring, Changgu didn’t notice, too lost in the glow of streetlights that painted Yanan in lovely tints. He was snapped out of his thoughts when Yanan pulled the car over, the once-gentle raindrops now deafening as they hit the windshield of Yanan’s car. The keys were out of the ignition in a second, and Changgu realized his hand was no longer holding Yanan’s.

“Why’d you stop?” Whether he was asking Yanan why he stopped _the car,_ or stopped _holding his hand_ , Changgu didn’t really know. Admittedly, he wanted answers to both.

“I’m not really an experienced driver, Changgu, let’s just wait it out.”

“Alright.” The older shifted in his seat. He liked being with Yanan, found it easy to be in comfortable silence, simply watching as Yanan’s nose scrunched up and he hummed a soft melody into the warm air that surrounded them. Changgu isn’t sure when he started looking at people and seeing just shadow and light, a blend of lines and strokes that could be easily transferred onto paper. It made everything so easy. Everything was made of shapes and lines and angles and it was easy to understand; he was the master of the portraits that so often lay under his own fingers. But when he stole glances at Yanan, it was something else: a kind of glow that could never be captured in a pencil sketch with hurried hands, something raw and unmatched. It made Changgu confused, or intrigued, or an intoxicating mix of both. The moments he shared with his best friend weren’t just portraits he could replicate on paper, they were charged and raw and so _real_ , so much that Changgu never had the heart to let them stay anywhere but in his mind. 

Thoughts flooded Changgu’s mind as the rain only poured harder onto the roof of the car above them, and he took the time to look over and observe, not daring to look away even in the split-second that Yanan’s eyes locked with his. The glance soon was given instead of stolen, the younger simply returning shy smiles as he let Changgu look at him. Changgu could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, knowing full well that he was staring, _gazing_ , even, and Yanan was letting him. His hands were unbuckling his own seatbelt and opening the car door, before he even realized what he was doing. 

“Changgu-ya!”

Changgu ignored Yanan’s muffled shouts from inside the car, _get back inside, it’s raining, what are you doing, come back here Changgu!_ Changgu had never really been the spontaneous type, but he was standing outside on a freeway in the middle of a storm now, letting rain soak into his sweater and black jeans. He wouldn’t say he didn’t care, but he had a smile on his lips and he knew he was enjoying himself. Yanan stepped out of the car, grabbing Changgu’s wrist gently before asking, “Changgu, what the hell are you doing?”

The older man had a mischievous glint in his eyes before answering. “It’s hot in your car.”

“Wh- whatever, just get back in—”

Yanan was cut off by a hand ruffling his hair and sliding down to brush rainwater on his face. He looked mildly annoyed, before flashing a devilish grin at the shorter man. “You wanna play this game, Changgu?”

Changgu felt Yanan kick a puddle of water onto his already soaked jeans, and he wiped the smug grin off his lips by messing Yanan’s hair up even more. Somewhere along the way he stopped trying to remember how Yanan looked in every second, just enjoying playing around with his best friend, fully dressed, on the side of the road, in a _goddamn storm_. He knew he couldn’t capture the emotion in Yanan’s expressions even if he tried—hell, he couldn’t even put it into words—just pure bright smiles and tons of laughter that echoed in his ears louder than the rain. _Much more than just shadow and light._ Yanan was the only one who could get Changgu to use his _heart_ to remember a moment, instead of his hands and pencils and smooth sheets of paper. He wouldn’t really have it any other way.

“Changgu, oi- stop!- I surrender,” the younger said, a smile still on his lips as he held both his hands above his head. “Come here.”

He brought one of his hands to Changgu’s, gently squeezing before guiding both of Changgu’s arms around his neck. The rain poured onto them, calmer than before but still strong, as Yanan let his back rest against the car with his best friend in his arms, not caring about how soaked their clothes were and how uncomfortable the drive back would be. Changgu nuzzled his head into Yanan’s chest, feeling a hand stroking the back of his head as he did. He breathed warmth into Yanan’s chest, and wondered how he ever thought that light and shadow could capture the way he was feeling in that one moment.

Changgu tensed the tiniest bit when he felt the taller man plant a kiss on the top of his head, delicate and careful like he was only testing the waters. Yanan seemed to notice, barely pulling away from the hug before questioning. “Did you not like that?”

Changgu looked up into Yanan’s eyes at that, curious but almost pleading, hushed and warm and so innocent. He let out a breath, hands shaking where they were placed around and the taller man’s neck, he wanted to say that _of course_ he liked it, he wanted Yanan to do it over and over again, he wanted to drown in it, live in it, keep the feeling close until it was all he could remember. But underneath the pure fondness was a fear that made its way into every corner of Changgu’s very existence, the crushing weight of the want that he had for his best friend, what it meant, and how it could bend and break and fall apart.

Part of him didn’t want to be Yanan’s first love. How could he? His own _first love_ had taken from him parts of himself that he didn’t realize were gone, not until they left a perpetual hollowness in his chest. Changgu felt the doubt settle in, thoughts overwhelming him even though he was positioned safely in Yanan’s arms, and despite how long it had been, the wounds of the past still felt fresh and painful. He cursed in his mind at the one person who he thought loved him, the same person who took away his trust, his sense of control, made him spiral into a whirlwind of thoughts at every single little thing. He yearned to be carefree again, innocent and willing to take risks. Changgu yearned to be every single thing that he saw in Yanan’s dark brown eyes whenever the younger man looked at him, believing that love was always pure and untainted. But Changgu thought differently.

“I really like you, Changgu,” Yanan said, pulling the older man closer, like every inch apart was a stab in the chest. 

Changgu thought that love was a ploy, a half-hearted scam, a fancy word that people used, ultimately, to get what they want. Changgu didn’t think it was real.

“Why?” Changgu finally replied. 

“Do you not want me to?”

Changgu thought that _love_ couldn’t be pure, that it was only ever laced with cruel, selfish intentions, and Changgu thought that if it _was_ real, it wasn’t made for him. He didn’t want to make Yanan deal with him, his fucked up way of thinking; he couldn’t force his best friend to see through the black and white, the mere façade that he hid himself behind. He wouldn’t.

“I’m not easy, Yanan.”

Changgu hoped Yanan would understand.

“I didn’t fall in love with you because I thought you would be _easy_ ,” Yanan said, pulling away slightly only to run his hands through the curls in Changgu’s hair.

Changgu tilted his head up to Yanan’s, focusing on the softness, the innocent fondness in his eyes as he looked down at him. Changgu placed his palm on the back of Yanan’s neck, inhaling deeply before speaking once more.

“I’m not easy _to love_.”

He knew his hands were shaking, and his knees would have betrayed him had Yanan not been holding him firmly in place. But even amidst the storm they were in he felt a wave of courage, the kind that only made his hands and breaths shake even more, when Yanan said one thing to finally push Changgu over the edge.

“I’ve been doing it all these years.”

Fuck it.

Changgu guided Yanan, pulling him in closer, crashing into him in the gentlest possible way. It was the kind of kiss that Changgu thought could turn the rain into gentle music, and all his worries and doubts melted away right then and there. Right now, they didn’t matter, because Yanan _wanted_ him, _wanted all of him,_ wanted nothing more than to just _love_ him as if it was his favorite pastime. And Changgu was determined to never let Yanan think that love should be anything other than that, anything other than pure and innocent and beautiful. _Maybe he could make himself believe it too_. He sighed when Yanan pulled away, quickly coming back for more, and it felt like so much more than just the simple touching of their lips. This wasn’t Changgu’s first kiss, but it was his first kiss with _Yanan_ , and truthfully, it was the first kiss he’s ever had that made him feel safe rather than obliged, loved instead of something being expected from him. Changgu was pliant but not fragile under Yanan’s touch; he would give without needing to take. It was more than Changgu could ever have wanted. Yanan never made the mistake of telling Changgu that there was nothing to be afraid of, he took care of every single one of his best friend’s fears and doubts, slowly but surely letting Changgu grow into his own moments of bravery. Before he even knew it, Changgu’s hands were steady, his breaths sure and carefree, and he smiled against Yanan’s lips, tucking the moment safely into his heart to return to later.

***

The ride home was hot and uncomfortable, but Changgu found Yanan’s hand nestled in his own the whole way. There was always something about Yanan that made him fearless, no longer shying away from things he couldn’t translate into shadows and angles and patterns. Yanan was more than just beautiful, he was innocent and in love and he was _real_. Changgu knew that being with Yanan would make him a little more brave, every single day.

Yanan loved Changgu, and it was the best thing in the world. The only thing better was that now—finally—Changgu could let himself love him back.

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first attempt at fluff and i know it’s not that great but nonetheless i hope u enjoyed some part of it :’)
> 
> find me on twt [@violetholdsme](https://twitter.com/violetholdsme)


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